Now You Won’t Have to Waste Two Hours of Your Life
One of the nice things about Morocco, I guess, is that I can afford to watch TV. We pay a few dollars a month for an internet-based system with access to countless thousands of channels in every language known to man, with possibly a few extraterrestrial ones thrown in as well, for all I know. Since it is a “smart TV”—an oxymoron like “jumbo shrimp” and military intelligence”—we can also watch YouTube TV, which is just like watching YouTube on a laptop except the screen is bigger.
Last week YouTube TV alerted me to the then-brand-new Piers Morgan interview with Nick Fuentes. I didn’t watch the full two hours all at once. That might have been fatal. But I did wind up watching the whole thing over a stretch of several days, hitting pause occasionally to discuss it in Moroccan Arabic with some fellow Moroccan Arabic learners.
Quick aside: Yet another wonderful thing about Morocco, alongside cheap TV and the opportunity to try to learn Moroccan Arabic, is the Sufi spiritual tradition. While not a card-carrying Sufi myself, I have hung out with Sufis and learned a few of their tricks. And one of their best tricks involves a couple of profoundly mystical techniques for enduring hours—two full hours in this case—of annoyance, anguish, agony, and rank bullshit.
One of those techniques is a Qur’anic virtue called sabr. It translates roughly as “patience.”
Another is about equally difficult, but somewhat less obvious. To practice it, you have to have succeeded in reaching the state Buddhists call non-attachment and Sufis call fana’, the annihilation of the ego. Once you’re fully non-attached from your ego and desires, you’re also non-attached from spacetime, allowing you to roam about at will (or more accurately at God’s will, but that’s a semantic distinction I will leave to the theologians).
So rather than expose my soul to the full horrors of the Morgan-Fuentes interview as originally broadcast, I hit the spacetime “pause” button, started reality-channel surfing, and found a different quantum timeline in which some mischievous jinn, or perhaps an angel with a sense of humor, had dosed Morgan and Fuentes with succinctness serum right before the interview. Below is a rough transcript.
Transcript
Piers Morgan: Nick Fuentes, you are a sexist, a racist, an antisemite, a Holocaust denier, a conspiracy theorist, and a white supremacist.
Nick Fuentes: That’s just ad-hominem semantics, Piers. You’re using words as blindfolds. Sexist is a blindfold you wear so you won’t see the truth about women. Racist is a blindfold you wear so you won’t see the truth about blacks and hispanics. Antisemite is a blindfold you wear so you won’t see the truth about Jews. Holocaust denier is a blindfold you wear so you won’t see the truth about the Holocaust. Conspiracy theorist is a blindfold you wear so you won’t see the truth about the Kennedy assassinations, 9/11, and other crimes by powerful scumbags who enjoy total impunity. And white supremacist is a blindfold you wear so you won’t see the truth about white people and what is being done to them.
Piers Morgan: But surely not every woman, black, hispanic, and Jew is as bad as you suggest, nor did every Jew survive World War II, nor is every white as good or as oppressed as you suggest, nor is every conspiracy theory true.
Nick Fuentes: That is correct, Piers. I am generalizing about broad classes and categories, which contain a wide variety of individual members, a great many of which are exceptions to any rule one might formulate.
Piers Morgan: You’re part hispanic yourself, Nick.
Nick Fuentes: Si, señor.
Piers Morgan: Your hispanic dad is a racist, Nick.
Nick Fuentes: Leave my father out of it. He’ll kick your ass later.
Piers Morgan: Do you really believe whites and men are better than blacks, hispanics, Jews, and women?
Nick Fuentes: No, everyone’s equal in God’s eyes. Here on Earth, categories of people are just different.
Piers Morgan: Listen to my geriatric Jewish friend Danny Finkelstein: “Hitler killed me mum. Stalin killed me dad.”
Nick Fuentes: (eyeball roll)
Piers Morgan: Did six million Jews die in the Holocaust, Nick?
Nick Fuentes: No, a whole lot more. Vastly, unimaginably more. A hundred times that many. (smirk)
Piers Morgan: I am shocked, Nick, that you are not denying the Holocaust.
Nick Fuentes: That would be illegal in many Western countries, Piers.
Piers Morgan: Well, even if you are not a Holocaust denier, you are a terrible, horrible person. And I think I know why. You need to “get laid.”
Nick Fuentes: What does that mean?
Piers Morgan: It’s an expression we boomers commonly employed in our youth. It means: “to engage in promiscuous sex with a woman you don’t respect because she’s a slut who’s willing to engage in promiscuous sex with you.”
Nick Fuentes: Count me out.
Piers Morgan: Nick Fuentes, even though you apparently are no longer a Holocaust denier, we have established that you are a sexist, a racist, an antisemite, a conspiracy theorist, and a white supremacist, which makes you a very, very bad person. All right-thinking people shall hereby shun you, as will I, unless I can make money by bringing you back on my show.
Nick Fuentes: Are you sure you’re not Jewish, Piers?
Piers Morgan: That was the sexist, racist, white supremacist, antisemitic conspiracy theorist Nick Fuentes, who was also a Holocaust denier until he finally admitted that six hundred million Jews were incinerated in gas chambers—or gassed in crematoria—or whatever it was that we are required by law to believe happened to them. I understand he says he believes Tyler Robinson shot Charlie Kirk too. Anyway, as a free speech absolutist, I am proud of myself for mindlessly vilifying Nick Fuentes on my completely uncensored show, which is called Piers Morgan Uncensored so you can’t possibly miss the fact that it is absolutely and completely uncensored and that I am brave enough to bring on and mindlessly vilify all sorts of deplorable people who persist in engaging in thoughtcrime. Thank you for watching, and if you’re ever in the greater Chicago area, be sure to stop by Nick Fuentes’s house and shoot in his general direction. He lives at 2594 S. 29th Street, Joliet, Illinois, 60433. Until next time, this is Piers Morgan Uncensored, brought to you by [[[you know who]]].
